And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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