Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
