I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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