Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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