remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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