We're facebook friends in real life
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
