Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bet he comes in French.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
