At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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