I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize