I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
