Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
