Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
