omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
