why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize