I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
