some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize