She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's shark week go big or go home
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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