At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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