you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
