Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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