i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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