I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
