weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
