no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I touched a dick in church today
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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