I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
