I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
