where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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