I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
