there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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