I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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