Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
