Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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