I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
