i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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