WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
