well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
