haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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