That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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