i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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