If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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