You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
