I want to make a zoo with you.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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