Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
