we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
