Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
