but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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