Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
