He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
