THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
