god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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