I want to have your abortion
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
