worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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