all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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