I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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