guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
