thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
