i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
