omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
