I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
