I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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