I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
