I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
