I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
