i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
