My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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