so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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