Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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