You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
